Being a listener is not only about being willing to hear what others told you.
It’s larger than that.
If you are a good listener, it is a sign that you care and give respect to others.
The fact is most of us can hear but can’t listen.
Meanwhile a good listener is someone who can understand the full meaning of what others are trying to say.
What do you have to do to be a good listener?
Here are some tips for you.
1- Don´t Plan Your Response
When someone is talking to you keep in mind that you give your ear and also your mind to them.
Sometimes we are trapped in our effort to give our best response for them.
For instance, your friends are talking to you about how bad their date is on a saturday night.
While they talk you make a plan about anything you’re going to say to them.
You think about your best advice for them.
What kind of response that most fits?
The best way is to stop making plans and start to listen more because if you keep making plans you are drifting away from the conversation.
It may result in you not able to fully understand the message they are going to say.
2- Put Away Your Thought
Having a thoughtful mind is good especially when you are in silence mode.
You are allowed to speak to yourself and get to know better about yourself.
This is good until you are in a moment when someone is talking to you.
To be a good listener you must stop thinking and put your mind to them.
Stop your mind from running around in your head.
Forget all of your concerns for a while.
Do you have a similar experience with it?
What do you do when someone is talking to you but you can’t stop yourself talk?
3- Make a Visualization About Their Words
To be a good listener you can do these effective tips.
While others talk to you don’t just listen for the words.
You can make a picture or visualization about it.
Try to take the words as the same as you are listening to an audio book.
The difference is the voices are real time and the speaker is standing or sitting right next to you.
Find the keywords or the core of the story.
Make those core messages become an image.
A kind of a literal picture or just an abstract vision.
Let your brain do the imagination just like listening to audiobooks.
Let yourself fall into the story.
If you are capable of doing this anyone’s story will be interesting for you.
You won’t get distracted anymore.
4- Don’t Judge
One of the biggest temptations while listening to others is you put your value on another story.
All of us have our own standards and principles.
These standards are good for you and you are only.
What happens in your life stays in you when you are listening to others be as neutral as possible.
Even when you think their story seems silly or ridiculous.
Never think about i think that’s stupid.
Remember that maybe you have done stupid things too or maybe you’ve done worse things in the past.
5- Do Not Accuse them
Being judgmental is one thing but to become a prosecutor is another level.
To make it worse you can’t control yourself for not accusing them.
You want to stand up for what is being right for you.
Maybe this is one of the biggest mistakes if you want to be a good listener.
If you are trying so hard to prove they are wrong the chances are it is not a conversation anymore.
It will change into a debate.
If you are always doing this in the end people will stop talking to you anymore.
They will see you as not only judgmental but also a close-minded person.
What do you do when other people have their own story and you think that they are wrong?
Will you say about their mistakes or you listen to them instead?
6- Take a Pause If you Need to
After all the talking and listening you may face a moment where you need to process.
It’s okay if you need some time to take a pause.
Not only you are able to have a full understanding, but it will also give the speaker time to rest.
So, it works for both parties.
Telling long and emotional stories may be hard.
So, in the moment of pause they can take some breath.
You can make a deep understanding.
Make a better picture of the message.
So, if you are asked to give an opinion you can give them your best advice.
7- You can Learn from Them
Whenever a person shares their stories take it as a chance to learn.
Imagine you are attending a famous motivator or speaker.
You will put all your fears for them ´´right´´.
Here is some little secret.
You can learn from anyone.
Every story has its message and lesson.
You can absorb and make it as your guide for not making the same mistakes as it.
You can also see it as a reflection about yourself or any similarities from your own experience.
8- Do Not Pursue a Solution
Sometimes when we listen to others, we try to give solutions as fast as we can.
We want to give our best advice by telling ´´i think you must or i think you should´´ or anything like it.
You must remember that people are not always looking for answers, they just want to be listened too.
They just want to share their stories and release the tension they had.
So, whenever someone shares their stories keep in mind that they do not always need to find a solution.
Sometimes they just need to be listened.
9- Give Empathy Towards Them
What do you feel after someone shares their story?
Do you feel sad joyful surprised disgusted or any feelings they had?
Empathy is one of the main courses to be a good listener.
To be an empathetic person you must put yourself in other shoes.
You can imagine how it feels like to go through the stories they share.
You must put your heart and mind in their place.
You must allow yourself what it feels like if you become them at the moment.
Empathy is something we have to practice because it may take your energy and also your concentration but if you can be an empathetic person surely you are a really good listener.
What is the best advice to be a good listener?
Yes, you have to listen.
While people talk to you you have to get rid of the distraction.
Nowadays it seems so hard to put gadgets away from your attention and your hand.
Well, you should put those things away if you want to be a good listener.
Stop texting browsing, surfing, playing or most of all stop binge watching.
If you’re busy that day you must tell the speaker that you have some important tasks to do.
Make a new appointment agenda and make sure you don’t get distracted when the day come.
Want to be a good listener.
We all love to talk and share stories. The only thing we sometimes forget is to be a good listener. Being a listener is a perfect way to take lessons from others experiences. Are you ready to be a good listener?